Living Smaller

I feel like I’ve been tricked. I thought I needed, or wanted, more space. We lived in a tiny one bedroom flat for 7 years and I dreamt about having a second bedroom, our own outside space, a bath, a bigger kitchen. And I got it. We struck gold with our house and got it for super cheap. The last year and a half we’ve worked on it solidly, stripping floors and uncovering fireplaces.

I’m starting to have some doubts…

We’ve spent a lot of time lately in our converted VW crafter van and I’ve noticed a pattern of anxiety every time we return home. The van is small, and we only take what we absolutely need. It’s a very minimalist space and way of life, but amazing being able to wake up wherever we want and have coffee with a different view every morning. All the stuff in our house feels like it’s weighing me down.

Instagram accounts of home interiors that I used to love now feel a little bizarre to me. Whole corners of rooms showcasing items that probably never get touched. I’m not judging, that’s been me down to a tee for the last decade. I have a display dustpan and brush, I’m the literal definition of what I’m starting to dislike. It’s just not making me happy anymore.

I see a lot of people selling everything they own and either moving into a van, or massively downsizing their lives and it looks like bliss. The burden of all the things, and working all the hours to pay for those things, all gone.

So, choices. We’re not sure exactly what, but something will definitely be changing this year. We’re both agreed that we don’t need all this space (I’ve been in my front garden about 3 times in nearly 2 years), and we both want to spend a lot more time travelling. We want different lives and different priorities. We want to work for money we want, not need, and we don’t want to feel tied down by things. I’m still very grateful that we’ve managed to be homeowners for so many years when so many people would love to have a house but can’t, but things change and I think it’s time for a new project, and to live a little smaller.

The Ferry Hut

My first ever roll of medium format black and white, and what a subject to shoot. I’ve seen this hut in Alnmouth a few times, but I never realised that that was a little art gallery inside showing old photographs of local fishermen and ferrymen. I did a bit of googling and found out that the gallery has been created by a local lady who has a thing for huts, and didn’t want to see it fall into disrepair. My kind of woman.

I can also safely say I’ve fallen in love with medium format black and white photography and I cannot fathom why I haven’t done it before. A shout out to Tanners Bank Darkroom for developing this roll, and if you love the shot of the hut as much as I do, you can buy a print here. It would be greatly appreciated.

 
 

The Algorithm Beast

I nearly deleted my instagram account last night. The old ‘blogger/internet oversharer’ in me started creeping back out and I found myself changing what I post to suit what the algorithm beast liked best. In a perfect world I’d have my journal and my website and nothing else, but instagram seems like a necessary evil for people to actually see what’s happening on my website.

I’ve been thinking about it, and I think the trick is to use social media just to share what you’re photographing, and not change what you’re photographing to suit instagram. Don’t chase the likes and the followers, it doesn’t actually mean anything. I have a few thousand followers who I’m pretty convinced still think I’m the same emo girl from tumblr in 2009 who must be really confused about all the photos of trees and knackered buildings I post.

I always say the key to life is balance. A good work/life balance, and these days a good social media/real life balance. By all means, log on, post a photo, interact, share a story or two, but don’t let it dictate your life. I’m annoyed at myself for pulling out my phone too often recently and I’m annoyed that I started to doubt myself as a photographer because certain photos weren’t getting as much attention as others.

I keep hearing rumours that instagram will be removing the ability to see the amount of likes a photo has received and I am all for it. I’m tired of it all feeling like a competition and I’m annoyed at myself for even feeling like it’s an issue. The silver lining of this is that I’m pleasantly surprised that I feel much better after having a good rant and writing this post. A few years ago at the height of my ‘lifestyle and fashion blog’ I would write a post just to be all ‘look at me and my nice outfit’ and now I feel like writing a post is more of a therapeutic exercise which generally feels much healthier.

At the end of the day, I just want to live my life, hang out with my husband and dog, travel in the van and take photos of the things we see on our trips. I’ll write about it and share a corresponding photo on instagram and that’ll be that. Phone in pocket, shoot film, upload later when you’re bored in the house. I’ve had a long, bumpy relationship with the internet throughout my life but I’m hoping I’ve cracked the balance now.